24 November 2012

It's me...the color commentator.  Another cockroach story.  OK.  I admit I have an unhealthy fear of cockroaches, but this one takes the cake!  Since our fumigation 5 weeks ago, we have had only a couple of the little? devils appear and they have been found upside down and probably dead but we don't wait to find out...Bill just squashes them, since they scare the living daylights out of me.  They're long and black or dark brown and they stand out against the light tile floor.  And so far they've only been on the floor , not on the walls or in my drawers or cupboards, thank heavens.  A couple of days ago there was one at the front door, guarding the exit.  I thought..."I'm trapped.  I'll never be able to leave the apartment.  I called out, "bug man!"  (Billy knows that's his cue so he came with his shoe in one hand and a paper towel in the other.)   He's so brave....my hero!  (He especially likes murdering the dead ones!  Well, this morning, I got out of bed early to get a head start of all my food assignments for Thanksgiving dinner with the Mission President and his wife.  I knelt down and prayed, "Please don't let there be any roaches this morning and if there are, please let them be dead, dead, dead!"  I always walk gingerly around the apartment in the morning because that's when we've found the other roaches.  I peeked in each room as I made my way to the kitchen.  On the way, I spied a long black cockroach  on the floor by the front door again.   "Nooooo....ohhhhh."  I hurried past the living room into the kitchen and then went back to check to make sure it was still there.  At first, it looked like it had moved.  "Ohhhhhh."  Now I have to start thinking about getting on the nearest piece of furniture.  I turned on the light and... whew...it's still there.  I'm trying to be quiet about it because Bill's still asleep.  We were up very late last night at the Institute serving and cleaning up after the big Gala, the formal dinner dance for the kids.  It was wonderful by the way!  (More on that later.)  But Bill was sleeping in while I started the rolls and pies and such and I didn't want to wake him.  He's old you know.  So I kept checking every few minutes to see if the roach had moved and muttering to myself.  I was on high alert for 45 minutes!  Finally, the bug man awoke.  "Oh, sweetie, I'm so glad you're up.  There's another roach by the front door.  I think it's dead, I've been checking on it every few minutes.  I need you!  I'm exhausted!"  So sweet Billy the Bug Man gets his ammunition (his shoe and a big wad of toilet paper) ready.  He goes into the living room.  I'm safely in the kitchen listening for the smack and hearing nothing.  I say, "Do you need the spray...is it dead?"  Silence.  I don't hear a scuffle so apparently  there was neither chase nor skirmish.  "What's happening?"     

Finally, Bill appears around the corner with his tissue wadded up.  "Was it dead, was it dead?"   He reaches out... I back away, "No, I don't want to see it!"  "Look, " he says, pausing for effect.  "It's a stick."  "A stick!  A stick?"  I bring myself to look and sure enough, it's a stick.  Long and black and gnarly and menacing looking.  He said as he carefully approached it, he thought, "Wow, that's big long skinny one.  Can't cook that up for Thanksgiving dinner.  What if it's strong?  Do I need a paper towel?"  But my brave, gallant knight , armed with naught but a flip flop and a tissue, sallied forth and fought that mighty stick dragon!  And won!

But what I want to know is...what's a stupid stick doing by my front door anyway...scaring me to death and taking years off my life!   Hmm...maybe the roach carried it in on its back...oh my goodness...I think I need therapy!